


What the heck's going on?

by QueenOfFreaks



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, Eventual Romance, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Trolls (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24012907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfFreaks/pseuds/QueenOfFreaks
Summary: Homestuck male trolls x reader.  A girl wakes up on April 13th to find an interesting surprise, an alien in her yard!  And more eventually join that one alien, what is the girl to do?  The girl is my representation of her.  Also I would like to put out that Equius isn't a choice in this and this is my first Homestuck fanfic, so if I'm getting anything wrong, feel free to tell me.
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Reader, Karkat Vantas/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. ===> Be the girl in the very white room

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, please enjoy the fic.

Your name is (Y/N) (M/N) (L/N) and you are #@$& years old. You have a decent variety of hobbies including watching things, creating things, destroying things, collecting things, and trying to be a wild card. ... What? Do you want me to be more specific? Was that too vague for your liking? ... Fine, I guess I can be more specific. 

You have a huge DVD and VHS collection of anime, Disney movies, comedies, parodies, horror, thrillers, and family movies. You have lots of handheld game systems but mainly use your GBA SP or New 3DS XL, which despite having the word 'New' in the title, has been owned for 3 or 4 years and the paint on the metallic backing has been worn down on the sides. You of course also have a PS1, but you really only play Crash Bandicoot or Spyro on it. You also collect trading cards from the Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh franchises, but your best friend is the only person who really plays against you. You like to draw and write things a lot, mainly to try and calm your strong and vivid imagination. You use a lot of black. Your passion is music, without it, you'd most likely go insane and nobody wants that. Everytime you hear music, you feel your soul lurch and follow along. You also destroy stuff from time to time, your brother often buys ghost towns and asks you to destroy them so he can build something new there. You usually destroy a town every two Sundays. You are a rather intelligent person and know lots of different languages and laws. ... Let me guess, you're getting bored. Fine, I'll stop telling you things about yourself. Besides, you don't need to know everything yet, we'd be here for months if I did that.

Anyways, today is April 12th, 2018 and the time is 4:01 pm. It's your brother's birthday today, his #@$&, but unfortunately he moved away, so you couldn't give him his gift personally. You wonder if he got it today, you wonder if he would like it. You stop playing your music and close the 3DS. You flip over the system and notice the back is rather warm, so you put the system in front of the open window to cool down. You decide to look out the window, you lift the shade. You stare at the green wet grass, gray sky, and the trees with a small amount of leaves. You're glad that there is no longer snow on the ground like there was a few days ago and hoped it stays that way, after all, it's April! You should be complaining about the rain and mud, not snow and being blinded by it! You pull the shade back down with difficulty and pull out your outdated flip phone to see if your brother texted you. You see he did indeed get his present and didn't seem too amused. You did always try your best on getting people gifts, but didn't always do that well. Pimp Frieza was a bad idea, but at least you got a laugh out of it. You giggle at the phone before closing it and leave the cold room. Your cold bare feet make sticking noises with each step to the kitchen against the wooden floor. Your feet meet a colder tile floor and you make yourself a depressing mug cake, which is exactly what it sounds like, and eat it to fully celebrate your brother's birthday. You put the ceramic mug and spoon on the counter to be washed later. You then decide to watch a random movie in your room.

===>Time skip

You take out the movie and see the time is now 6 pm, you immediately turn off your DVD\VHS combo and switch to the CW to watch Family Guy. It seems your favorite episode is on. At 7 pm, you decide to make yourself some (f/f) and some chocolate milk, because screw society for telling you to grow up! You will never fully grow up and society will have to learn to accept it. You finish your food and do random things until about 10:30 where you change into your pajamas and toss and turn for about another half hour before falling asleep. You slept peacefully until 4:13 am the next morning (well if you count tossing, turning, and kicking the blanket in your sleep as peacefully.) when you were awoken by a thud outside your window and looked at the clock above your computer monitors to see it's 4:13 am, it takes a moment for your mind to process the time and date are the same, you find this funny and snicker. You then turn around and lift the shade to your window (which was closed) and tried to see if there was a fallen tree, there was none. You put the shade back and decide to go back to sleep because 4 am is too early for you. You chalk up the thud to being from your dream and you cover yourself in your thick cozy comforter and fall asleep.

You wake up again, this time at 6:30 am, a much more reasonable hour. You push the comforter to the floor and roll over to the other side of your king sized bed. You grab a red marker and cross out yesterday's date on your dachshund calendar. You then look at your nearby mirror, it showed a shadow of a male with messy hair, or at least you assumed the shadow was of a male. Your mirror in front of you is one you often use to get info about the future, you made it be somewhat vague so that you wouldn't constantly be spoiled on what's to come. Where's the fun in that if you know what's going to happen? You ask the mirror on your connection with the figure, the mirror just makes the shadow disappear and your reflection appears. You shrug and get off your bed. You change into your jacket, white T-shirt, and black pants. Wow your clothes are generic looking, but better to blend into the dark with. You remember the thud you heard earlier and put on a pair of white socks due to your paranoia. You immediately felt the urge to check outside, you walk into the kitchen and put on your black and white boots, followed by grabbing the largest knife in the knife holder, you then went through a door where it leads to the basement one way and outside the other. You leave the house.

You notice the ground is covered in frost, you look up at the sky, glare, and shake your free hand as a fist. It's April dang it, we don't need anymore snow, it's unnatural in Minnesota for snow to last this long! You stop your feud with mother nature and look around a bit. About 5 seconds later, you spot an odd humanoid creature either dead or passed out. There was also the possibility the creature was playing dead to trick you into thinking it was unconscious or dead and maul you to death. Okay, that's enough paranoid thoughts, just inspect the creature already! And even if the creature's playing dead, you're pretty sure you could take it down with a pack of gum, keys on a string of yarn, nail clippers, a bicentennial quarter, and a kitchen knife.


	2. ===> Inspect the Alien

You walk closer to the scene and notice the alien is facedown in a big mud pile akin to a blackout drunk. You assume the creature is dead, but your paranoia and weird need to check if things are still alive makes you check for breathing. To your surprise, dismay, and happiness, the creature is still breathing, you decide this is as good as moment as any to overlook the details of the alien in front of you. The alien appeared to have gray skin, a black shirt, black pants with dark gray polka dots, and indigo shoes with gray toes. The alien had a mop of messy black hair with two long goat-like horns protruding out of his head, you had a strong urge to pet him. You resisted the urge and realized the unconscious alien might not like being out in 40ish degrees Fahrenheit, lying in a mud pile, and possibly on broken bones. You go back inside the house, put the knife back, grab the alien, and drag him into the house. (Which is pretty difficult with him having long horns and you having to use both of your arms, he's pretty damn tall.)

You drag him to one of the many bathrooms in your house and get 2 clean towels. You then proceed to use 1 towel to clean his face, neck, arms and hands which were caked in mud. You cringe at the amount of mud on that towel, it's appalling, but your job isn't done yet unfortunately. Now you have to figure out how the hell you'll be able to wash his hair. His horns must be what, 1 ft, 7 inches? You can't wash him in the bathtub, the water will get on his clothes and he might wake up. You think for a minute and realize you could just put his head on the side of sink to wash his hair, you do so and use your shampoo and conditioner on his hair, trying to avoid his horns. You assume they have nerves in them that would easily wake him up, although he could easily wake up, you figure this is a safer bet. You rinse his hair and gently pull his head out of the sink, you feel like you're forgetting something. ... Ah yes, the muddy clothes, this will surely be a difficult challenge. You sit him fully on the toilet seat, he bends over. You have to pull the shirt over his head, his long-ass horns, his arms, and those sharp claws all at the same time without tearing the poor shirt. Actually, maybe you'll cut those claws into non-killing machines first. You grab your jacket that was lying over the edge of the bath tub and pull out your trusty toe nail clippers. You try to clip the edge of his smallest nail, but the nail is too thick and won't even fit in the clipper, maybe you could use a pair of kitchen scissors instead.

You leave the bathroom and rummage through the kitchen. You find the scissors and go back into the bathroom, the alien is still unconscious. You pick up one of his hands and successfully trimmed the nail down to where it wouldn't cause any harm, you do the same with the rest of his finger nails. You smile to yourself for a few reasons, 1, it'll be harder to tear his shirt, 2, you get to keep and inspect the nails, and 3, if he ends up trying to kill you, you don't have to worry about him clawing you to death. You only have to worry about the millions of other things he could do to you instead. You grab his nail clippings carefully, along with the scissors, and put them in the kitchen on a counter. You go back into the bathroom and try to get his shirt off, it proves to be a challenge, but you figured out how to pull it off, and while trying to figure it out, you notice he has identical scars on his abdomen and wonder about how that's possible. You shake your head and take off the shirt fully, wondering what to do next. ... You want to take his pants off?! No! Although you're pretty sure the muddied pants feel a bit cold, it's indecent! Besides, if you did, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to control yourself, it's the safest bet for the both of you. You will leave the pants on instead, you will just focus on something else, maybe take off his shoes. That must be uncomfortable, right?

You untie the Converses, conversi? Converses. Either way, you untie the shoes and get blasted with how awful his feet smell. Yuck! This guy really needs to wash his feet! You then proceed to pull off his socks and wince at the worse smell. Man, this guy has worse hygiene than you! This might take a while to fix, enough time so that we have to call a time skip.

===> Time skip

You look up at the clock above the toilet, you've been here for 5 hours cleaning an alien who will most likely kill you on the spot when he wakes up. He would probably be very mad when he wakes up to find out he has a mani-pedi, brushed teeth, washed & brushed hair, and without a shirt. You certainly went the extra mile for this guy! You'd even wager 10, it's really creepy and you should feel ashamed of yourself. But you're more focused on food right now, mainly because your stomach's rumbling and you can taste the stomach acid in your throat. You notice the alien is shivering and figure you'll be okay for a bit more without food. Has he been shivering all this time? You feel bad now, he might now have a cold thanks to you. You wash your hands and arms then lift him into your room, you think he'll fit in your bed. You place him on your bed and pull your comforter off the floor, you shake the comforter twice to get any bugs out and place it over him. He stops shivering and you feel happy, you decide to now look at his face. His face has a few scars down it, but besides that, he has a clear face. You feel yourself blush and you walk back to the bathroom. You pick up the towels and his shirt and dump them into the nearby washer. You think you could use a shower as well, but you need to eat first. You leave the bathroom and go into the kitchen.

You grab 2 Lunchables Nacho packs and eat them with gusto, you then put the kitchen scissors near your dishes and grab the nail clippings. You go back into your room and place the clippings in a hidden place no one would normally have access to. You then grab some clothes and a towel and enter the bathroom. You move your jacket off the edge of the bathtub and put it in the pile of clean clothes. You take off your now dirty clothes and take a shower. While taking your shower, you contemplate why you're being such a creep, you eventually chalk it up to you being alone in this house for @#$& years, losing social skills, and being desperate for any company at all. You finish up and dry yourself off, you dress yourself after that and brush your hair for half an hour then throw your stuff in the nearby laundry basket. You stare at the mirror, your hair is brushed and you realize you look like a Wookie, you then proceed to make Wookie noises for the next 5 minutes. 

You think you need a haircut. Unfortunately, you can't get one right now because of the alien lying unconscious in your bed and the fear of him waking up in the house with you gone and finding at least one of the many upon many hidden weapons in this house scares you relentlessly. You walk out of the bathroom and into your room where you plop yourself down in your desk chair. You turn mentioned desk chair so you can watch the alien. You are totally not being a creep, you're just watching him to make sure you have a chance to survive if he attacks you... Which is also why you dolled him up... To make sure you have a chance to survive... Yeah... You sit there for a few hours and fight sleep, you lose that battle though, and fall asleep. A few hours later, the alien gains consciousness.


	3. ===> Be the alien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different perspective.

Your name is Gamzee Makara, you are a troll who was created on a meteor, and are 9.69 sweeps old or 21 years old on Earth. You're generally a nice guy who is the troll equivalent of a juggalo. You are also a laid-back troll, although that's usually because of the sopor slime you're constantly high on. You are an unpredictable person who believes in miracles and are stronger than you appear. You drink lots of Faygo and call it your ''miracle elixir". You also honk sometimes. ... Yup, that's who you are. This totally isn't because the author forgets facts about things and had to search up the MS Paint Wiki, totally not the reason why your description sucks... Either way, you have just woken up on something you don't completely recognize in a room you don't recognize with a human you don't recognize, sleeping in a chair facing your direction. You have no recollection of ever entering this room or meeting this human. Most people in a situation like this would assume they had a one-night stand or were kidnapped, where they then plan their escape. However, you aren't most people, instead, you get out of the bed you're laying on and walk over to the chair with the sleeping human in it and pet their head. You smile at the cuteness and continue petting the human's head for another good minute. You then decide to look out the window, unfortunately though, it is blocked by purple curtains and a purple shade. You move the shade and curtains to see a dark night sky with many stars, trees with barely any leaves, some grass, and mud, although a decent sized pile has an imprint like one your body would make. You stare out the window for a few more minutes then put the curtains and shade back.

You feel rather chilly, nothing too unbearable, but you still wonder why it's chilly here. It takes you a moment to realize you aren't wearing a shirt and when you do, you wonder where it went. You assume the human took it and did something with it and although you could wake the human, they look rather peaceful and you'd feel kind of guilty doing that. You walk over to the human and ask if they are awake, you wait a minute before shrugging and going to their dresser to try and find his shirt. The dresser has a huge mirror where you realize your make up isn't on your face, along with the fact that your hair is no longer messy. In fact, it is brushed and soft, although your hair is still sticking up. You wonder if the human did anything else to you before opening one of 6 drawers on their dresser. Your face gains a rather visible purple hue before you shut the drawer, you remind yourself out loud to never open that drawer again under any circumstances. Although you can 100% now conclude that the human is female. 

After about a minute, you open the drawer under the previous one hesitantly. The drawer is filled with plain white t-shirts, you close that drawer and slowly open the one under it, which due to your height, you had to really bend over to do. The drawer contains pajamas, you spot a pair of polka dot pants like yours, the only differences being that they are fluffy and the polka dots being white. You nod in approval before shoving the pants back in the drawer. Drawer #4 revealed lots of socks, drawer #5 held a variety of clothes, and the sixth drawer held a lot of caps. You scratch your head, trying to think of where else it could be, only you realize that your nails aren't doing as much damage as they normally would. You pull your arm down and inspect your hand. Your fingernails have nail polish that matches your blood color and have been cut down to the point where they can't slice a person. You don't really know how to feel about this, you space out while looking at your nails. After you are done spacing out, you decide to open the 2 doors in the room, the first one being a closet. You don't find your shirt in there so you open the second door, which reveals a hallway with 5 other doors. Behind 4 of those doors, were spare bedrooms, the 5th being a bathroom, you see a somewhat familiar machine. You look through the small window and see a few towels and your shirt. You wonder why you're shirt is being washed, you're also aware you're shoes and socks are missing. You look down at your pants, they have mud caked on the front. You take off your pants to reveal a pair of boxers with the same color scheme, you then put the things in the washer into the dryer and your pants in the washer. 

It makes more sense to you now, you fell unconscious in that huge mud pile you saw earlier, then the human you saw took you into her hive. The human then cleaned you up a bit and washed your shirt, then placed you in her bed. Although that doesn't really explain the nail polish on your finger nails. You feel hungry, so you decide to try and find where she could be storing her food. After a few more rooms, you find her kitchen and grab some bread. You then put it in the oven and wait a few minutes, after said minutes, the smoke alarm is beeping and smoke is billowing out of the oven. If it wasn't apparent, you suck at making toast, although you aren't used to this oven so you get a pass. You may not be the best cook, but you make stuff that's edible. You open the oven door and see the toast on fire, you then grab the toast and dampen it under the nearby sink you turned on. You then start eating the soggy burnt toast and turn around to see the human is awake and standing in the doorway. Although you couldn't see her eyes, you felt a glare directed at you, you apologize to her about the beeping alarm and hit said alarm. The alarm fell to the ground, no longer beeping, the human jumped, you apologize for scaring her. The human sighs, facepalming. 

The human picks up the alarm and throws it into a trashcan, walks over to the oven, shut the oven door, turn it off, go to the sink, turn it off, then look at your left hand. Why was she starting at your hand? You then look at your hand to see the other slice of soggy burnt toast. Does she want the slice? You offer the slice to her, she grabs the slice and throws it away. She then walks back towards you and beckons you to bend down. You bend down and the other slice of soggy burnt toast is pulled out of your grasp, she pats your head between the horns and dashes to the trash can. She throws the toast in the can and washes her hands. She walks towards you and beckons you to follow her, you do as commanded, mainly because you can feel her glare on you and you're slightly scared. Granted, you could probably fight her, but you get a feeling that it isn't directed at you specifically. You follow her into her living room where she points at you, then her couch, you nod and lay down on the couch. You hear the human walk away and you space out looking at the ceiling wondering what's going on, what you did not know, was the human was wondering the same thing whilst trying to make you a proper meal.

(Alright, done with this chapter, if I got anything wrong, feel free to tell me. I do all the art myself, so sorry if it's cringy, I'm trying to copy the webcomic's design as a homage, this isn't my usual art style. See ya next chapter!)


	4. ===> Go back to being (y/n)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What (y/n) was doing and what happened after.

You are back to being (Y/n) again and you're coming to terms with everything that's happened thus far this crazy day, you decide to make a mental list. 

You woke up 2 times, one by the thud of him arriving, the second naturally.

After waking up the second time, you go out to investigate what made that noise hours earlier.

You find a passed out alien in your back yard caked in mud (bleckith!).

Filled with courage, you drag the tall guy into your house and clean him up (minus pants, you figure better safe than sorry.), along with giving him a bit of a makeover.

After cleaning him, you carry him and let him stay there. You fall asleep in a nearby chair a few hours later.

In an unknown amount of time later, you woke up seeing the alien getting up. You decided to follow your instincts telling you to pretend to be asleep.

The alien spaced out a lot and eventually petted you and then searched your room for something, making your mind go nuts between lustful and maternal thoughts (example:looks slim and toned, but looks like he hasn't had a decent meal in forever.), he left you alone.

You then waited another minute before moving. You got off the chair and grabbed a hidden weapon just in case. You turned on the camera feed to watch what the alien would do.

You kept watching him until the fire alarm started beeping. That's when you silently grabbed your beloved GBA SP and sneaked off to the kitchen.

You find yourself angry at the alien temporarily, then be angry at his food choice (You wouldn't eat burnt soggy toast if you paid to to do it. Or for free. Bleckith!).

Your maternal instincts had won this round of thoughts and you threw away the retched "food" and made the alien lie on the couch while you made him a decent meal.

You think that's all you can currently list. Although you probably should've asked him what he eats instead of going all in and making him what you normally eat at a Culver's. You know it probably isn't healthy to eat one cheeseburger, fries, onion rings, and cheese curds, but it HAS to be better that soggy burnt toast he was eating earlier! Bleckith, soggy burnt toast! You probably won't let that go. You make an extra burger for yourself and set the table for the two of you. You walk to the refrigerator and find no milk, although you do find one of those big bottles of grape Faygo in their, along with a quart of chocolate milk in a bottle. You remember going to a nearby gas station to get that, you got it because you wanted to try something new. You'll get another bottle some other time, your guest is probably thirsty and this huge bottle will certainly do more to quench it than the smaller one. You place the bottles on the table and walk over to the alien, who is zoning out at the wall. You tap him on the shoulder lightly and he snaps back into reality. You beckon him to follow you and he does, you pull a chair out for him in the dining room in front of where his food was placed and gesture him to sit. He obliges and you go to your own seat and sit down.

You take a bite out of your burger and watch the alien eat his food, he seems to like it and knows how to eat it, although he hasn't noticed the Faygo yet. Does he not need to drink anything? Is Faygo bad for him? Would it kill him? Maybe he isn't thirsty, he could have a different body system, actually, he probably does. He does have sharp teeth, sharp nails, and horns for crying out loud, not to mention the eyes, gray skin, no nipples, and the purple scratches on his face. In fact, you might be unintentionally poisoning him, which you hope isn't the case, he seems like a nice guy. He's actually pretty handsome for an alien... You internally scold yourself for that comment, you shouldn't think that way about him. Maybe being alone for so long has drove you a bit to be a bit touch-starved. And for anyone thinking of it like THAT, then please get your mind out of the gutter, you meant that you haven't been hugged in a long time. Or cuddled. Especially cuddled. You're nearly done with your meal when you hear the alien honk, this startles you and you jump a little. You look at him to see him smiling happily and chugging down that grape Faygo like it's the end of the world. You guess this drink had either satisfied his thirst or he REALLY likes Faygo, or maybe both. Either way, he looks adorable with that blissful look, it makes you smile. You finish off your meal and take your dishes to the sink, you then turn back to where the alien is sitting. He looks content. You grab the alien's dishes and then push in your chair before putting his dishes in the sink and washing them. You finish washing all the dishes to see the alien sitting in his chair still.

You look up at one of the many MANY clocks around the house and see it's almost midnight. Well actually, the clock said 12:00 am, but none of your clocks really have the correct time. This particular clock is behind by 5 minutes. Your most accurate clock is the one on your cell phone, it's all the clocks you have to program that are inaccurate. Either way, it's late and you have no idea what to currently do. I mean, you COULD interview the alien and learn more about him, but he might not comply. You figure you probably look weird right now, just standing and looking at the digital clock on the oven, you should quit spacing out on stuff. You figure you could try and interview the alien, a name from him might be needed, after all he WILL be staying here. ... What? You didn't see a spaceship anywhere near him and you certainly ain't letting the government get their hands on him for dissection or something! Even though you barely know this guy and you may have been a creep about helping him, you already consider him a friend. Quit it (y/n), quit stalling. You're boring the reader with all this filler, let's move this along already! You find a nearby empty notebook and a pencil, with that, you hesitantly walk over to him. 

You pull out the chair in front of where the alien is sitting and sit down. You take a deep breath to try and calm yourself down, it works. You then utter the first actual words you've said, "So, umm... I was uh, just wondering if...maybe I could ask you a few questions? You can say no if you want, I'm just a bit curious, that's all.".

(And another chapter is done! Sorry for the procrastination and filler, I've been busy. Anywho, I would like to thank everyone for reading this chapter and everyone have a good day/afternoon/night/morning!)


	5. ===> Be Gamzee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interview and house tour.

You look at the human in front of you. She wears a sheepish smile and waits for you to answer. You take a few minutes to consider and you conclude you might as well give her some information, not to mention the human has started rubbing one her arms up and down after about a minute. "SuRe ThInG sIs, Go AhEaD aNd AsK tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR a FeW tHiNgS." you reply.

The human stops her nervous movement and opens her notebook, she puts her pencil on her paper, but freezes. "I should warn you that I'm a bit of a slow writer, so please try and have some patience. Well, more than you've shown me already, that is." she said with a sheepish grin.

"TaKe YoUr MoThErFuCkInG tImE." you reply with a wave of dismissal.

You see her write something down. "Okay, let's start with an easy one... What's your name?" she asked.

"EvErYbOdY cAlLs Me GaMzEe MoThErFuCkInG mAkArA." you replied.

You see her hesitate writing. "Is 'motherfucking' part of your actual name, or is it random slang? Just making sure I'm getting your name right." she asked.

"I gUeSs It CoUnTs As MoThErFuCkInG rAnDoM sLaNg." you respond.

The human writes down something. "Okay, thank you for that, my name is (y/n) (m/n) (l/n) in case you wanted to know. Now would you mind telling me what species you are?" she said.

You think the name '(y/n)' suits her. "I'm A mOtHeRfUcKiNg TrOlL." you say.

You're a bit curious on how (y/n) can switch from shy and hesitant to calm and collected. "Hmm, alright. What gender are you, that is if you do actually have a gender that is." (y/n) asked.

You didn't really need to think to answer that one. "I'm A mOtHeRfUcKiNg GuY." you say.

(Y/n) nods and writes down my response. "Are you an adult?" (y/n) asked.

"Yes i MoThErFuCkInG aM." you reply.

... You were asked more questions about yourself, your species, and your planet for a few hours, (y/n) switching moods (her being calm and confident, to her being shy and nervous.), then it came to where you're staying.

(Y/n) writes down some more things down. "So I'm going to guess that means you most likely have no place to go, am I right?" she asked.

"YoU'rE mOtHeRfUcKiNg CoRrEcT." you respond.

"Okay then... Hmm... I might have a suggestion here if you're willing to listen..." (Y/n) hesitated.

You signal for her to continue. "... Maybe you could... Stay here? I mean you don't have to if you don't want to! It's just that I don't think you'll survive out there!" (Y/n) continued, rushing her sentence a bit.

You consider it. You don't know this planet too well, and you probably won't fit in with the population either. You don't really have a choice you guess, and she seems nice enough, so you'll accept her offer. "SuRe ThInG mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg SiS." you say.

You see (y/n) smile and clap her hands together. "Okay then! I guess that means I need to give you a house tour! Er, hive tour! Hehe!" (Y/n) said filled with enthusiasm.

"LeT's GeT a MoThErFuCkInG mOvE oN!" you say with enthusiasm.

Huh, it must be contagious, like yawning. The both of you get out of your chairs and (y/n) proceeds to crack the bones in her back and wrists along with stretching. (Y/n) then proceeds to grab your hand with a leap in her step after shutting her notebook and leads you into her meal block. "This is the kitchen! There are some snacks over there to grab, if you want any." (Y/n) said, pointing to her hunger trunk and then a cabinet.

"But no touching the oven or anything that cooks, I saw you with those toast slices and I don't think your cooking will keep this place in one piece. However, if you want me to teach you how to cook, ask, and maybe one day with enough practice, I'll actually trust you to cook." (Y/n) said.

(Y/n) then drags you to the last room you two were in. "This is the Dining Room, this is where we'll most likely end up eating. You can also eat in the Living Room, but that's entirely up to you where you eat." (Y/n) said before dragging you to a nearby room.

"This is the aforementioned Living Room! As I said, you can eat in here if you want, although you could also watch TV, movies, read a book, or just blankly at the wall and think! Heck, I've stared blankly at these walls so many times that I blankly stare through my blank stare!" (Y/n) said.

This cycle goes on for a while, (y/n) enthusiastically dragging you into the next room and explaining what the room is called, what you can and can't do in it, although that temporarily stopped when you reached one of apparently many bathrooms and she asked if you knew what to do in this room and you replied that you did, to which she then dragged you away and continued her tour with enthusiasm. The last stop was her respiteblock. "Okay, so this is my bedroom! Since this is the only room with a bed big enough for you, I'll let you borrow it! ... Oh wait, I saw you shivering in your sleep when I first brought you in here, maybe staying in this room isn't the best idea. This room has some heating problems. ... How about you pick your own room! I mean, this is the only one with heating problems, so you should be fine! I'll even let you keep the bed! Whad'ya say, man?" (Y/n) said.

You figure you should take up her offer. "SuRe tHiNg, SiS." you reply.

"Okay then! There's quite a few empty rooms around here, they're all about the size of this room. Although they're all empty and white, so tomorrow we'll have to go down to my warehouse and get some supplies. 'Aight?" (Y/n) said.

You nod your head and (y/n) grabs your hand and skips into the hallway. She then lets go of your hand and does a weird bow. You walk to the room right next to (y/n)'s and open the door to reveal an empty white room. "GuEsS tHiS iS mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg ReSpItEbLoCk NoW." you say.

"Alright then! Let's go back into my room and start moving that bed!" (Y/n) says, clapping her hands twice.

(Y/n) surprisingly doesn't grab your hand this time and instead rushes into her room. You slowly walk in after her and see she has already thrown her thick blanket to the floor along with the pillows and was currently throwing off a blanket on top of the sheets. She then neatly undoes the sheets and throws them to the side. "Okay man, think you could come over here and help me lift this up? I mean, you don't have to, you might not be that strong for all I know! Notthati'mtryingtobeoffensiveoranythingohgeezi'mbeingoffensivearen'tiwhydoiaccidentallyoffendpeopleyouprobablydon'twanttobeanywherenearmedoyou?!." (Y/n) sputtered. 

"CAlM dOwN sIs, I'Ll MoThErFuCkInG hElP. It'S nOt A mOtHeRfUcKiNg PrObLeM." you reply.

(Y/n) calmed down. "Alright! So um, come over here and..." After those words were spoken, the two of you proceeded to have a hard time getting the bed into your new respiteblock and set it up.

Although it didn't end there, she insisted you have her "foldable table" at least until tomorrow, which was under where (y/n)'s old bed used to be. (Y/n) also let you pick out some sheets, pillows, "pillowcases", and blankets for your bed. "Okay, done with that! What next? What next?" (Y/n) said.

A yawn escapes your squawk gaper and you start to feel drowsy. "Tired already? Huh... Well I guess you can tell me if the bed's comfortable enough." (Y/n) said.

You take her advice and get on the bed, it's soft. "That's... not exactly how one usually sleeps in a bed, but who am I to judge?" (Y/n) says before shrugging.

You don't really care how you sleep. "It'S pReTtY mOtHeRfUcKiNg SoFt, SiS." you say, making an okay sign with your hand.

(Y/n) smiles happily. "That's good! I'd be a horrible hostess if I didn't make sure my guest was comfortable! Anywho, I hope you have a good sleep, I've got to go shopping for more food anyways! See ya!" (Y/n) says before turning off the light and shuts the door.

You feel more drowsy and after a few minutes, you fall asleep.


	6. ===> (Y/n), go grocery shopping!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buying groceries and going home.

You walk around until you reach the porch, you then enter said porch. You go up to the coatrack near another door and pluck off a few freezer bags. You decide to walk to the wall with giant windows past the other door and coatrack and see what it's like outside. To your happiness, the snow is melting, but hiss at being blinded by the snow. Stupid sun... Wait, sun?! You pull out your flip phone and check the time, it reads 8:38 am. The hours seemed to just spin by with that interview and tour. You suddenly feel drowsy after seeing the time but you shake it off. You have to be responsible, you're an adult now, (y/n)! Not to mention, you're pretty sure if you don't, Gamzee will have eaten everything by Tuesday if not sooner. You shut your flip phone and leave the porch with freezer bags in hand. You walk until you quietly enter your room and shut the door behind you. You place the bags on the floor and enter the bathroom and do your business. You always use the bathroom before you leave for somewhere or go to sleep. You finish up and enter you room, to which you go to the closet and change your outfit to a black T-shirt, warm black leggings, black fuzzy socks, and your winter gear. You also grab your purse, then your freezer bags before leaving your room. You decide to check on Gamzee to make sure he's asleep, you quietly open his door to see Gamzee is asleep and quietly snoring. You blush at the adorableness and quietly shut his door before sneaking off to the kitchen. You grab yourself a bottle of water and leave the house, locking the door. 

You blink and hiss at the sunlight reflecting off the snow. You quickly search for your sunglasses in your purse and pull them out, quickly shoving them on your face. You smile, going to your car, pulling out the keys, and unlocking the vehicle. Said vehicle is a/an (f/c) self-driving van with a sunroof, which you are very grateful for due to you being forgetful and frequently spacing out. You're pretty sure if you were to ever drive a car, you'd end up in jail for destruction of property and vehicular manslaughter. You open the door, throwing your freezer bags on the seat right next to you, placing your water bottle in the cupholder, and sitting in your seat. You then shut the door and buckle yourself in, followed by you typing in directions for the grocery store. With that, your self-driving chariot whisks you away! You think about what you could get Gamzee foodwise. The guy's friggin' huge so he needs a lot of it, he also has sharp teeth, so maybe a few meat things, although his earlier feast contained non-carnivorous food so he can eat both. You think you should've written a list, but that might've taken forever, so you decide to pull out a small notebook and pen and write down stuff you KNOW you'll get. 

\- Chocolate Milk

\- Bread

\- Bagels

\- Extra Polar Ice Gum

\- (favorite cheese)

\- Water bottles

\- Popcorn

\- Honey buns

\- Sugar Cookies

\- Pizza

\- Mashed Potatoes

\- Canned carrots

\- Stuffing Mix

\- Wild Rice

\- Hamburger Meat

\- Various meat flavoring packets

You're pretty sure you'll die from diabetes one day. You then decide to turn on the radio, you hear the last word of a song play, followed by an announcement of some celebrity you've never heard nor care about doing something you don't care about, then Fun House by Pibk atarts playing. 

It's been a while since you've heard that one, you end up singing along. You notice you're now in town and nearing the grocery store, what good timing! The van finds an empty spot in the parking lot and parks there. You turn off the radio which is currently playing ads and unbuckle yourself, taking a deep sigh. "This is gonna take awhile." you say to yourself.

You take the keys out of your car, open the door, and exit it, shutting the door, and locking the car. You walk away, putting your keys in your purse, and eventually into the grocery store. You grab a cart and go around the store, trying to find decent meals. You get what you assume will be enough for the two of you that will fit into one cart and you push up to a check out counter, the cashier rings you up and you're presented with a huge fee. You pay for it and take your food to your car. You quickly store the food in your car and put the cart in a nearby corral before leaving for the place where you got the Faygo and grabbed as many big bottles of it as you could, carefully placing them in the basket you grabbed before going to grab said Faygo. There seem to be a few extras, but after a minute, you manage to plop them on the only available counter. As soon as you did that, you regretted it, someone you hadn't seen for a while was working the register. "Well, well, well! If it isn't the 'Queen of Freaks' herself! It's been awhile since I've heard from you!" the wretched woman said to you in a British accent.

"Hey Beelzebitch." you responded with annoyance.

"It's Debra now, Debra Unholy Sirenshoth!" 'Debra' said with a smirk.

(If your name is Debra, imagine that jerk's name is pronounced differently.) "That would explain the stupid black hair dye, the blue tips, and the stupid new eye color." you say to her in a monotonous tone.

"You wish you looked this good. Of course, nobody would ever think a Chewbacca-haired girl will look good. When people see you, they think you need to be taken to an animal shelter. When they see me, they think I should be on a magazine!" Debra said with a smug look.

"You do realize that constantly dyeing your hair ruins it natural color, right? Not to mention the pain." you ask in a monotonous tone.

"Ooh, looks like I hit some sort of nerve! Do I need to call the wambulance?" Debra said.

"Nah. M'fine." you say, doing a wave of dismissal.

"You're crying on the inside, I can feel it." Debra says.

She's more wrong than the people who say every other step in Mt.Moon leads to you running into a Zubat, which to the less informed, means that she is pretty wrong. You weirdly felt pretty much no emotion during this moment and this clearly showed on your face. "Or nooooooooottt... It's kind of hard to tell." Debra said with a confused face and a finger pointing at you.

"Can you just scan the Faygo, man?" you ask.

You just wanted to get home before Gamzee woke up and at least put one or two of them in the fridge, is that too much to ask? Debra lowered her finger and looked at the giant amount of Faygo bottles that themselves, were big in size. She looked up at you with a smirk, this probably isn't a good thing... "Who is it for?" she asked.

"Me." you lied.

"No it's not. You usually don't drink this much soda (even when you buy (f/d) you don't order this much.)" Debra says.

"Really, it's for me." you lie, refusing to show any sign of it.

"Oh... I think I know! You're trying to get someone to like you by buying them things!" Debra guessed.

You feel like if you continue denying Debra a true answer, this conversation will have ended by the time the iPhone 666 is released. "Fiiiiiiiine, I am. Happy now?" you answer.

Debra smiles a wicked smile. "I knew it, I knew it! Although you seem to forget something..." Debra says.

"That dachshunds don't grow on trees?" you suggested.

"No, that-"

"Betamax has better quality than VHS?"

"Really?" 

"Yup."

"That's actually pretty-. Hey, wait a minute!" Debra says, angered near the end.

"I've been waiting here for way longer than a minute, possibly an hour. It's hard to tell since this conversation seems to be longer than a Harry Potter- Lord of the Rings- Hobbit marathon." you point out.

Debra seems to blankly stare at you and mutter the question to herself, trying to find a solution. Eventually she does, but by the time she did, you had already walked behind the cash register, scanned the Faygo, opened the cash register, paid for the Faygo, bagged them, made numerous trips to your car to transport them safely, get into your car, and leave. You sit in your car and wonder what will happen when you get home. Will Gamzee still be asleep? Will you be able to sleep? What if you fall asleep and Gamzee wakes up? How long DOES Gamzee sleep? Was he faking being asleep in the first place? What if he's awake? If he is, is he doing something dangerous? Did he accidentally stumble across a hidden room? ... Okay, okay, you need to calm down, you're going a bit overboard. You turn on the radio to hear Holiday by Green Day.

The song fades out and the questions, although still nagging, seem to pretty much disappear. An ad starts talking about Ford, you don't really care, so you tune it out and delve into your imagination. Your imagination is like this, 50% romantic fantasies, 49% problem solving/what if scenarios, 1% random stuff. The 1% becomes REALLY frequent in dreams. Although you already knew this, you just like explaining stuff. You blankly stare at your windshield and think about a guy cuddling you and being rather affectionate towards you, you smile at this thought. Maybe he kisses you... Maybe you rub your face up against his neck like a cat... Maybe he questions your sanity... Maybe he calls you a freak and pushes you away... Maybe he says no one will ever love you... Maybe he starts beating you up... You're pulled out of your romantic fantasy gone wrong by your car stopping, you're home. You pull yourself together and start taking trips from your car to your kitchen, placing down groceries each time you reached the kitchen. After doing those trips, you lock your car, turn it off, lock your door, shut it, and then proceed to store all the food where it belonged. You back into the kitchen and see the time is 1:04 pm. You don't really have a place to store the Faygo so you decide you'll store it in Gamzee's room, after all, he did say he liked the stuff. You sneak your way to Gamzee's room and knock on the door, you hear no response. You knock again, no response. You slowly open the door and peer inside to see Gamzee sleeping, you walk in and place the Faygo in your hand in a corner and leave to fetch more. You do this until there is no Faygo in your kitchen. 

You then walk over to the sleeping Gamzee and see if he's breathing and to your relief, he is. You then try to resist the urge to pet him, but ultimately fail. You pet Gamzee's head, hand stroking his soft tangled hair, you notice a small smile appear on his face and you smile, too. You do this for about five minutes before you accidentally scratch him behind a horn, you stop, startled at a purrish noise he just made. You keep your hand still on his head, scared he might wake up. He doesn't however and you cautiously scratch him behind the horn again, causing him to make a purrish noise again, his smile growing bigger. He just looks so cute like this! You resist the urge to hug him and scratch him behind the horns for about five more minutes. You then realize you should probably stop being a creep and go make lunch. You retract your hand and the purrish noise stops, the smile still on his face. You quietly step back and leave, shutting the door behind you. You walk to a nearby bathroom and use it. You leave the bathroom and enter the kitchen wishing you could take a break. You can't, though. You have to cook lunch, or is it dinner? Linner? Supper? Brunch? Food. You think you'll go for some cooked carrots, corn, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and ham, although you might need to pull out the larger silverware for him. His hands aren't enormous or anything, somewhat larger than the average man's, but you think it might be easier for him if you get them out. You start pulling out the food and placing it on the counter along with anything else you may need. Time to start cooking!


End file.
